After Joey posted his challenge contest post, I kept a close eye on the responses people were leaving. Given the fact that Joey accepted a ready-made, decades-old challenge of his own, and that he accepted with no objection, I couldn't really sound any objections of my own when he announced his decision.
And I knew as soon as the Rocky Mountain Oyster comment went up - that was going to be it. The others sounded either too outrageous or, in some cases, not unpleasant in any way (I'm actually dressed up like Where's Waldo as I type this). But I know Joey, and I had no doubt as to what his decision would be.

So, challenge accepted. I will eat your bull's balls, Joey, all three orders of them, and from the reviews I've read, I don't think it'll be as unpleasant as we're hyping it up to be.
Supposedly, these morsels have a flavor similar to that of fried chicken, which we all know is among the world's most delicious foods. And we're getting them from the Buckhorn Exchange in Denver, Colo., where they're the house specialty. The problem won't be with the taste, but with the knowledge of the food's origins. As I believe we've made clear, Rocky Mountain Oysters is a disingenuous name for bull testicles, which most laypeople would assume to be among the less desirable parts of the animal at mealtime.

But before I get too upset, let's think about some other questionable items I've enjoyed over the years - namely, bologna, scrapple, and hot dogs. These three savory meat products are all mindless hodgepodges of pig and cow and chicken and whatever else happens to be lying around the factory. The difference here is that when I bite into a delicious, juicy hot dog, there's no way for me to know what part of the animal (or which animal, for that matter) I'm biting into. But when I bite into those Rocky Mountain Oysters, I'll know that I'm sinking my teeth into 100% pure testicle, with no mystery whatsoever.
Well, I'm in. I did have some unkind words for Chris, the gentleman who posted the suggestion in the first place, but I wouldn't let something like this come between us. Besides, this is a chance for me to expand my horizons, stand up for my pride, and of course, make a fool of myself in front of a worldwide online audience. 

And to think, I was so excited for Denver.


(From top) Photo by [bastian.] courtesy; photo by Mike Johnson -

4/29/2009 03:06:18 am

Tom, I'm glad you've come to your senses. I, in no way, shape, or form intended this challenge to be a grotesque undertaking for you (or Joey and Sarah since they will be witnessing it firsthand). I truly wanted to give you the challenge, err opportunity, to broaden your culinary horizon and life experiences. I felt it was the perfect melding of your quest to experience the unknown and your love of all things food. After all, rocky mountain oysters are, at their core, food. I sincerely hope they do taste like chicken, and in the event that they don't, I'm sorry. I would suggest being sure to enhance your appetite prior to consumption, but I'm sure that goes without say. I bid you good luck and I implore Joey and Sarah to document this feast using any means possible! Look at it this way, you could be forced to play ultimate Frisbee with a bunch of people who take it way, way too seriously. I think we both know that you’d pick devouring some balls any day of the week.


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